Gingers Vs the World: Letter of Proclamation
Welcome friends. Before you continue on your road to Ginger enlightenment, it is prudent that you first learn the basics of my website, Gingers VS the World. This tactless, wannabe webmaster and Ginger scholar is aware of how much confusion you currently must be under. Don’t worry. You are most probably not the weird one here.
I set aside this time to answer whatever questions you may have before we travel into the uncharted realm in which my people dwell. It would be normal if you start by asking, "What the hell is this pro-Ginger propaganda crap I accidentally clicked on?” _
I will
gladly explain to you, but first a warning is in order: soon upon discovering
the information you seek, you will either be hooked on, appalled by, or
indifferent to our cause. If you are the latter two, now is the time for you to
take a big deep breath, relax, and go straight to hell. I am here for the
former: they are the ones who will be donating funds for my sunscreen addiction
(PayPal button is located at the bottom of the screen).
As the world-renown philosophers on the writing staff of Schoolhouse Rock stated so catchy like, “knowledge is power.” Truer words have never been spoken. However, once handed the key of knowledge, the doors you unlock will only bring more questions. You will soon grow curious and wonder, "Can this pathetic Ginger actually help me survive my struggles in real life scenarios?" Surely, the questions continue: "Who the hell does this sunburnt, self-proclaimed Ginger expert think he is and why has nobody told him he’s impressively bad at the English language?” and even, “Why should I care about a lost cause? Gingers are on a one way red-eye to join kiwis and dodos in the depths of unread history books. Good riddance.” For the five of you still reading this, I will answer these questions. _
The mission of Gingers VS
the World is twofold:
1) To bring awareness to the general public about an endangered species and the day-to-day struggles these creatures must endure for survival. 2) To educate Gingers on HOW to survive (and flourish?) in a world which is clearly not suited for our pasty, soulless existence. Who am I? I am the Ginger Merlin, here to show my spotted apprentices how to lift the sword of jubilation from the rock of disfavor; the Moses of the "un-chosen" people; their all-knowing, and ever-present Obi-Wan; I want to bring non-UV light waves to the shadowlands where the soul should have been. To my fellow Gingers: please grant me what precious time you have left in this cruel and dangerous world. Follow my words. Take my advice. Heed my warnings. I can ease your pain, maybe prevent unwanted tragedies, and there is a small chance I could even get you laid (or at least find someone who wouldn’t be above playing video games with you a couple times a month). Please continue your journey by clicking on the link below: SPFg _
And if you
are not a Ginger: if you are blessed with dark skin, the favor of the gods,
friends, and a keen sense for social norms, pay very close attention to what
I'm about to tell you. This is very important. For serious. Close your eyes,
drag your mouse to the topmost right corner of the page, and click. Something
cool will happen.
Wait for it. Wait for it… _
And if you
didn't fall for that, feel free to explore the rest of our site.
_
You might
find enjoyment out of reading Ginger 101. There, basic knowledge, history, and
stories of Gingerdom are discussed.
Also, Ginger Rant is home to the user-created content of the site. There you will find "Comebacks to Popular Ginger Jokes" and “Pickup Lines for Gingers.” Feel free to submit your jokes and pickup lines so we can better arm timid red heads against a plethora of normal folk attacks. Ginger Rant also has the Ginger Blog section. This is where you all may write whatever your heart chooses. Questions, funny stories, and ideas are all encouraged. Gingersnapping is a new internet trend that is quickly building a strong following. It combines two ideas: planking and "People of Wal-Mart". Here you may post your pictures of Gingers being...Gingers. Creativity counts here. The best picture of the week will win a T-shirt (in the future when we actually have T-shirts). Lastly, have fun. However serious the subject matter might be, this site was created for entertainment purposes. Please continue using this site respectfully and humbly. Thank you for your time. Peace, Love, and Sunscreen forever be yours, _
John
"Lucky" RR O'Connor
Gingers VS the World Founder |