The Nine Commandments of Gingerdom
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1st COMMANDMENT:
You do not talk about SPFg or its ties with revolutionary Ginger guerrilla armies. 2nd COMMANDMENT: You DO NOT talk about SPFg or its ties with revolutionary Ginger guerrilla armies. 3rd COMMANDMENT: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, it is time to pull out. There will be other (legal) chances to reproduce. 4th COMMANDMENT: Only two Gingers can ever be seen publically together at a time. We do not want anyone predicting our master plan. 5th COMMANDMENT: One SPFg article at a time. Don’t try and take in all this information at once—if you try, your handicapped brain will surely fail. You most have patience, my grasshopper. Master one survival technique then move on to the next one. 6th COMMANDMENT: No shirts, no shoes—then you better not be caught without sunscreen. Undercover Ginger Army officers will be patrolling the world making sure this is followed. If you succumb to skin cancer, you will no longer be able to fight in the front lines. You will be a cook. 7th COMMANDMENT: Our fight will go on as long as it has to—never forget, never back down, and never surrender. 8th COMMANDMENT: If this is your first time reading SPFg, you have to post. How about a Ginger joke you have been told on “comebacks to popular Ginger Jokes”? Try submitting the sure proof Ginger pickup line you typically use to bed drunken wanton bimbos on “Ginger Pickup Lines”. You can even post on our “blog” and discuss whatever your flaming heart chooseth. 9th COMMANDMENT: (as an insurance policy in case some ass accuses me of being an unoriginal phony who steals content from pop-culture hits like Fight Club) You must help us out financially. On your first visit, only a small amount is expected. The $10 - $15 range is acceptable. Your next bills are due when the practicing of your new-found Ginger knowledge pays off and actually helps you survive your impeding struggles. One cannot put a price on the comfort that safety brings. But I can. $50 - $100 is what my complex Ginger-equation and financial calculator came up with. Never forget these rules, brothers and sisters. These are your 9 Commandments of Being Ginger. If these are followed, we will see the day when we reign supreme over all. * *Unlike Moses, this Shepherd of the Gingers has full rights to adjust the Commandments of Being Ginger as he sees fit. Stay devout Gingers. John "Lucky" RR O'Connor |
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IMPORTANT
DISCLAIMER!
After your survival (ranging from the deadly first date or perseverance through Kick A Ginger Day) or the successful avoidance of unwanted jickerings aimed towards you (perhaps from your lack of hand-eye coordination or inabilities at holding conversations with the opposite sex), you have six days to come up with the money and pay me. My Ginger IRS department will be operative shortly. They are known to throw stingy red-heads into tanning beds for up to 30 minutes at a time. If you do not want to risk a future visit from them, it is suggested that you do not default on your Ginger Bills. Lastly, you can support our cause by purchasing the various shim bobs we have on sale at our “Ginger Store”. Deck out your winter apparel with some fiery fashionable sweaters. Juice up your workout with some high-octane tank tops. Also, you can show your classmates and coworkers just what side you are on in the upcoming battle of the ages: rock a “Gingers are People Too” t-shirt. Tidbit: 99 cents out of every dollar goes towards benefiting the lives and futures of Gingers. |