_ Ok, I want you all to read this one more time.
We hail from Vikings, have the sex-drive of a Cialis-induced bonobo, and are easily made fun of. _
That sounds awesome! How could someone not enjoy being a part of our lives? Due to our Viking nature, we are very protective of our friends. We could please an army of Final Fantasy wenches in as little time as it takes to down a twelve pack of Dr. Pepper (we're known for quick recovery, not longevity). And whenever anybody is feeling down, we never hesitate to make fun of ourselves to lighten the mood. So why are we crappy people again? Because we are more frightening to be around than being stuck in a room with Rosie O'Donnel, Fat Bastard, Dick Cheney, and a Winchester shotgun. There are two reasons why:
_
These claims
are ABSURD.
Nowadays, all that badass medieval shit we were renowned for exists solely in the realm of fantasy role playing games. Firstly: Our Viking blood has lost the luster and charm of its youth. We no longer go from village to village plundering from the rich to stealing more from the poor. I'm afraid the extent of our raids is pillaging enemy refrigerators for the quickest, most unhealthiest snacks. Neither do we rip apart doors to girls' dormitories and forcibly stick our fiery sausage onto any grill with a warm spot between their lid. Au contraire, we provide money to thousands of these sexy dorm girls by singlehandedly supporting about 85% of paid porn sites--sites we enjoy down the hall in the privacy of our own locked dorm rooms. _
Also,
through the eons we forgot how to operate spears, swords, and battleaxes
efficiently. The only weapon we carry nowadays is our wit and instinctive
ability to hide.
From this,
To this. |